A Day at the Beach
by saturnstar55
Summary: Raenef and company take a trip to the beach! Oh so cliche, but it had to be done. Please read & review!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Let's face it. I don't own Demon Diary. I never will. SO WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO SAY IT EVERY TIME?!?!?!?!?!?!

First off, this is WOULD have been a lovely (well, at least with my skills) Choose Your Own Adventure fanfic. Unfortunately (insert tear wrenching Hallmark Hall of Fame type music here) had other plans. . . they sent me an e-mail informing me that 'interactive' fanfics are banned. . . . . . . . . . OH THE CRUELTY OF IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, that's my excuse for it being it first person- I know it sucks so please don't tell me that in the reviews. Also, a warning for those expecting a good fic, there is NO plot but a LOT of OOC, mainly Eclipse of course. The entire story is also through the eyes of Eclipse in case you start to get confused. Oh stop glaring at me people! Someone was eventually going to do this type of fanfic to Demon Diary!!! So without further ado. . . A Day at the Beach!

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You open your eyes slowly with a throbbing migraine at the back of your head. As your surroundings come into focus, you begin to remember the huge explosion in the library right before you blacked out. You begin to sit up slowly only to wince at the loud voice exclaiming, "Eclipse!!!! Are you all right?" 

Ah, then the explosion would have to be courtesy of Lord Raenef the V, practicing his newest spell. Honestly, it was only a level 2 dark magic attack- hardly that complicated! You notice Raenef is still hovering over you with a mother hen expression on his face, so you decide to calm him by answering with your typical, "Yes, Lord Raenef." Sheesh, even you can't figure out why you sound so boring sometimes. "Shall we try again?"

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Several tries and many more disasters later you finally stop yelling at your master who is currently huddling in the corner, flooding the library with tears. You're about ready to start in again with a "demons don't cry" speech when Raenef stops his tears of his own accord and begins to grin. Something is definitely not right.

Raenef stands up again and looks you right in the eye.

"Eclipse?"

"Yes my liege?"

"Are demons allowed to go on vacations?"

This is cannot be good.

". . .yes Lord Raenef. . . If I may inquire, why do you ask?"

Raenef began to smile even brighter.

"I wanna go to the beach!"

"The beach?"

"Yup! I reeeeeeealllly wanna go Eclipse! It'll be super fun because I haven't ever been there before- remember my village was no where close to the shore and oh! I bet Erutis and Chris haven't even been there although I don't really know I haven't ever asked because that's kinda a strange question dontcha think since most people have been the beach but I haven't and it's really not fair!!!!!!!"

And etcetera etcetera. . . after a week or two living with Raenef, you've learned to stop paying attention to him after he ingests anything with sugar. You make a mental note to kill the knight for leaving those Peeps (TM to uh, Peeps inc!) lying around. You stop planning elaborate death traps when you notice Raenef has stopped talking and is looking at you expectantly.

"Um, could repeat what you just said my Lord? You did not speak loud enough."

"So can we go to the beach or not Eclipse?!?!"

'. . .'

It takes all of your strength and willpower to resist the puppydog eyes that Raenef has turned on you full blast, but you take a deep breath and say, "I am sorry Lord Raenef, but I cannot allow you to go to the beach today. You are far too behind on your studies. Besides, demon lords do not go to the beach."

Raenef gives you one last look of hope and pleading, only to see you shake your head firmly again. Giving up he says very dejectedly, "All right Eclipse. . . I'll be in my room studying. . ." and shuffles out of the library sniffling.

You sigh and start wondering how on earth Raenef will ever be ready for warfare when you hear a sudden crash on the balcony outside the room. You rush in a very leisurely manner to see what it is- when a crusader barges through the glass doors! You begin to summon the Death Drill spell when the crusader swoops down on you and snaps your right leg in two and then twists your head off.

Well it serves you right you know- everyone hates you for being such a stick in the mud. You should have just let Raenef go to the beach for crying out loud!!!

End of Story- YOU SUCK!

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Hehehe. . . JUST KIDDING! Sorry, I just wanted to add that in there 

Continue on down to get the REAL story. . . . . .

You contemplate the many terrible things the author could do to you if you choose to say no, and take another look at Raenef's face. Admit it, there was nooo way you could resist his puppydog eye attack.

Sighing and wondering what on earth is wrong with you today, you answer, "I suppose it can be arranged Lord Raenef."

"Hoorah!!!!!!!!! Thank you Eclipse!!!!!" Raenef screeched as he bounded across the room to give you a big huh. Fortunately you stop him just in time with a stony glare- you don't know what could have happened if he had given you a hug just now. You didn't want to think about it, but his new outfit reveals just enough skin to give you the wrong ideas. Hehe.

Raenef stares at you as you begin to blush furiously. However he decides to ignore it. "I'm gonna go tell Erutis & Chris and pack the towels and stuff, OK Eclipse?"

"Certainly my lord. However it would be more appropriate for the human girl to pack- demon lords NEVER have to pack for vacations. I shall prepare some snacks to take."

Raenef giggled a little at the thought of Eclipse cooking again but replied, "Okay Eclipse." and went off in search of his friends.

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"Now for the LAST TIME! Does everyone have everything that they need or want?"

"Um. Eclipse? I forgot my intertube."

You sigh with frustration, but manage to get out, "Please hurry up Lord Raenef."

It's been an hour and ½ since you finished making sandwiches and you're beginning to wonder if it would be worth it even go today. Fortunately, it is still daytime on the other side of the world. Yes, you believe that the western shore of the Americas would do nicely. With any luck Krayon wouldn't be there either, he was forever going on about how he needed to work on his tan. Eeeewwww. . . bad mental images.

"I'm ready Eclipse!"

"Do you two humans need anything before we leave?"

Erutis yawned and said, "Nope." While Chris pulled a soapbox out of thin air and started to rant about how he was a cleric and not just a human and yadda yadda yadda. . . Oh dear, you realize you have been spending two much time around mortals. Proper demons do not say 'yadda'. Never.

Oh well.

"Alright then. Shut your eyes and turn in a counterclockwise circle 4 and ½ times."

'. . .'

"JUST DO IT OR WE WILL ALL JUST TURN RIGHT AROUND AND GO BACK TO... WHEREVER WE ALL WERE!!!!!!!!!!!"

".....sure....."

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Bright sunshine, children laughing, gulls crying in the distance, the waves crashing against the warm sand. This is NOT the place for a demon lord to visit. Unless of course he was planning to pour oil all over the beach, set it on fire, and taunt every child he came across to the point to tears. Unfortunately, judging by the look of pure bliss on Raenef's face- none of that was going to happen.

There was another bad thing about the beach too. . . How on earth were you going to maintain your ghostly pallor after a day in the sun? Plus it clearly states in demon handbook rule #84, NO SUNSCREEN. It just doesn't send the right message to your enemies if you show up for battle with white goo on your nose. Oh well, perhaps you will be able to just bleach it when you get home. (HAHA! Eclipse is pulling a Michael Jackson! Never mind, I can just tell now I'm the only one that will get it. . .)

Finally ripping yourself out of a deep intellectual battle of bleach vs. white face paint, you realize Raenef & co. are leaving you behind in pursuit of changing stalls. You run up- in your demonly dignified way- so you don't lose them in the crowd.

When you finally catch up to everyone only Erutis remains outside waiting for you. She is holding up a black beach bag for you and has a rather evil smirk upon her face. If only she could teach Raenef even HALF of her facial expressions. . .

You take the bag from Erutis carefully, making sure nothing is going to grab you from within and wait for her to explain herself. You notice her working to remove the leer from her face and replacing it with a look of pure innocence. When she's done she says, "That's your swimsuit Eclipse. I hope you like it- I packed it myself." and turns on her heel to go into her stall.

You are left there holding the bag with your suspicions now gone, terror in its place. Slowly you walk inside the last stall holding the bag at an arm's length- just in case.

You look inside the bag and see at first only a black fluffy beach towel. Then you shift it aside to see what is underneath it. Oh dear Rased, you ARE going to kill that girl. . .

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Wow, is someone actually reading this? Well if you are, thanks very much! Sorry again about it sucking so much- I never imagined it would be this hard to write in first person! Anyway, I am not going to waste 's server space updating unless I get 2 people tell me that they want me to. That's right everyone, just TWO people- you can do that right?! Even if you DO hate the fic, flame me so I will know. And don't forget, if I never update you will never know what type of swimsuit Erutis gave Eclipse. That's right, I have resorted to bribery. Ok, I know I hate long ramblings by authors so I am gonna go. Yup! 


	2. Uh, Chapter 2!

I AM SOOOO HAPPY!!! PEOPLE REVIEWED!!!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU (& ect)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Annnnnnnyyyywaaaay, now to continue on with the story! Just warning you now, I have noooo clue when this will end. It might even end this chapter- that's just to show how drunk my muse is on 'tea' right now, hehe, 'tea' isn't really tea ya know. . . . . . . . . . STOP STARING AT ME AND JUST READ THE FANFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Oh dear Rased. . . 

You realize you have never been exactly _kind_ to that knight girl, but it wasn't torture or anything! At least not enough to deserve this. . . this, this. . . piece-of-cloth-which-cannot-even-be-called-a-swimsuit.

You hear Raenef and the others calling for you to hurry up, so with the heaviest heart you have had since Lord Raenef the IV died, you slowly put 'it' on.

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You notice the eager express on Erutis's face as you walk out of the stall. You WILL find a way to make her pay, either through a date with Krayon or even. . . . . never mind, a date with Krayon would be sufficient. Quite.

Raenef finally wipes the possessed smile off your face by asking the dreaded question. . .

"Can I see your bathing suit Eclipse?"

Alas, it was bound to happen at one point or another. However, you had hoped you could have kept your towel wrapped around your waist until it was nightfall. Crusader dung. (A/N: see below)

"Lord Raenef? I would prefer not to if it is at all possible."

Erutis at this point decides to take her daring to the next level. You decide she thinks you are either getting soft from Raenef's influence or she has already been to the margarita stand.

"Awwww, I really wanted to see you in your swimsuit Eclipse! Pllllllleeeeeeaaaaassssseeeee let me see!!!"

". . . no . . ."

"Raenef! Don't you wanna see Eclipse in his cute little outfit too?!"

Raenef unfortunately, has discovered at the moment he is immune to your stares of doom as long as he doesn't look at your eyes. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO REALIZE IT NOW?!?!

"Ahem. I, Raenef the Fifth doth hearby order my loyal servant and tutor Eclipse to remove his towel from his waist at once. WOW! I sounded so cool just now! Thanks for the for the cue cards Chris!"

"No prob!"

Great. Now you have another victim to add to your hit list. Well at least you'll be on good terms with any serious Rased follower. But as to the more impending situation. . . . .

"Lord Raenef, are you absolutely SURE you wish to command that? I will not be held responsible for any 'accidents' that may befall the knight if you do. . ."

But it's too late, you can tell he has already made up his mind by the childish (and sexy! Grrr!) pout on his face.

"YES. Take off the towel NOW Eclipse. . . . please."

Damn.

"Very well Master Raenef."

And off goes your last shred of pride and demonishness.

Now for the expressions that you see on your companions' faces:

Chris has fallen over twitching and will most likely be scarred for life. Serves him right.

Erutis is doing a happy little jig and leering away.

Raenef is smiling pleasantly, with no idea how humiliating this is for you.

s

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You keep a steady death glare upon Erutis- just in case she was thinking of making a comment about her 'outfit' for you. Hopefully she's not that suicidal, that would take all the challenge out of it. . .

Unfortunately, the only person you actually would NOT like to mortally wound at the moment (duh: Raenef) decides to comment for Erutis. . .

"Wow Eclipse! I didn't know thongs could be leopard print! It's really really pretty!!!!"

". . ." Maybe not the best compliment in the world, but hey- at least he wasn't openly mocking you. Oh well, time to make the best of this. . .

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"If I am to be forced to show my. . . 'swimsuit', would it not be appropriate for everyone to show theirs as well?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry Eclipse!"

The trio remove themselves from their own towels to show their own outfits- luckily for them, not chosen by Erutis.

Erutis was being her usual conceited self by wearing a sparkly green bikini, which needless to say was more than a little loose around the chest.

Chris was wearing a pair of orange trunks and a surfing necklace around his neck. Surprisingly enough, he almost seemed 'cool' in that outfit. However you know all too well that image will be gone as soon as he opens his mouth.

Raenef on the other hand. . .

Raenef, well Raenef was looking like he was ASKING for someone to just go over and leap on him! He had taken his hair out of its customary ponytail and just seeing the sunlight catch on his blonde hair (A/N: yes- BLONDE hair! For some reason he just acts like a blonde to me. But don't hurt me! I am a blondie as well- no blonde jokes here!!!!) was enough to make you shiver. To make matters worse- or better, depending on how you looked at it- was his swimsuit. He was wearing a bright blue bodysuit that was just a bit too small, so it fit on his hips very VERY nicely. Oh damn. . . this is not good. . . not good at all. . . . . .

It seems Raenef senses your unease, because he almost instantly starts moving closer to you...

"Eclipse? Are you alright? You seem kinda red. . . do you have a fever?"

Ohno ohno ohno. . . . . he CANNOT come any closer to you, at least not now, not here, and definitely, definitely NOT wearing that bathing suit- which, come to think of it, displays his body verrrrrrrry nicely. . . . . . damn it all, he is going to notice. How could he NOT notice?!?! Thanks to Erutis you're only wearing a THONG!!!!!

Fortunately however, Raenef has turned his attention away from your little 'problem' to the more pressing matter of sandcastles. Praise Rased for his short-attention span.

Now to get some well deserved rest while protecting your lovely ivory skin under an umbrella.

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Your eyes flutter open ever so slightly to take in a miraculous sunset. Hmm... who would've thought that this vacation could have turned out this nicely?

You're about to go back to your dreams of roasting Erutis and Chris over an open flame when you hear a faint cry. Interestingly enough, it sounds just a little like...

"LORD RAENEF!!!"

You jump out from under the umbrella to see just what is going on. Apparently Erutis and Chris took off somewhere and left Raenef alone swimming. Not a good idea.

You can just barely make out your Lord's outline in the dim sunlight near a pier with several dorsal fins following him. ....Dorsal fins? Dolphins or.... SHARKS!!!!!

You take a running start towards the sea with a death drill ready for those damned sharks if they even _think _about taking a bite out of your Raenef! However, just as you reach the shoreline, someone dives off the pier next to Raenef.

"Well, well, well. I suppose I'll have to take back what I said about humans being _completely_ useless..."

By the time you get down closer to where Raenef was, the mysterious stranger had already carried Raenef to the shore.

You arrive in time just as Raenef regains conciousness and his rescuer gives a big cheesy smile while saying to your master, "Hello there. My name is David Hasselhoff. And what might yours be, young lady?"

KABOOM!

"Uh, uh, E-E-Eclipse?"

"Don't worry Master Raenef. He won't be bothering you anymore." Or anyone else for that matter.

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About a half-hour later, Erutis and Chris finally reappear covered from head to toe in tacky souvenirs holding at least 4 corndogs each. Ooh, are they going to get it... But of course patience is the key. Chris will be feeding the crusaders for the next few months and if he's lucky, the crusaders won't take any limbs. Erutis on the other hand... well, Krayon is always just a telepathic message away... Hehe.

Before you can plot anymore you feel a gentle tug on your arm. You look over and see Raenef practically nodding off. Time to go home before the authorities discover that blackened corpse on the beach. Hopefully next time Raenef will want to go bowling or something a little less dangerous...

THE END

FYI: I have nooooo clue whatsoever what kind of curses they have in the DD universe, so I decided to come up with my own alternative to 'shit'!

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I AM SOOOOO SORRY! A THOUSAND AND FOURTY-THREE APOLOGIES!!!!!! That chapter was never supposed to take that long! But as always, the holdiay season held me hostage for a few days... Hope you enjoyed this story, even if you didn't, let me know by way of that magical little button you click to review! See ya later! 


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